A Bubble for a Spirit Level
by Volitan
Summary: Four new members of the crew are sent on fools errands...


A bubble for a spirit level…

Now, my Daddy is an engineer (yes, I'm 22 and _still_ call him 'Daddy', what can I say, I'm a Daddy's girl); and he delights in telling me of how he (and the other engineers) send the apprentices off on wild goose chases, just like what happened when he was an apprentice. I figured Scotty would do the same to the newly-qualified cadets that end up on the _Enterprise, _as well as McCoy. A bit of humour. Oh, and the _USS Renaissance_ is a ship I made up, and turns up frequently in my fics.

~st2009~

**I am an amateur author of false name,**

**I borrow worlds of another's fame.**

**I stake no claim on recognised locations,**

**Neither do I own canon situations.**

**I merely come here to spend a while,**

**Reading other's work; writing my own style.**

**I earn no money, no wage, no dosh.**

**I gain no finance, no revenue, no cash.**

**I do not mean to step on legal toes,**

**I mean no infringement, I'm friend not foe.**

**So please, do come in, relax, unwind.**

**I hope in my work, enjoyment you will find.**

~st2009~

To serve upon the USS Enterprise was every new Star Fleet Academy's cadet's dream; however, actually earning a post on the flagship took a lot of effort, top marks and going the extra lightyear… and even _then_ was not a certainty.

Captain Dexter Woodall, of the _USS Renaissance_ summarised the situation in his personal log: _'When it comes to who gets the academy graduates, all things are equal, but the __**Enterprise**__ is __more__ equal than the rest of us… and don't get me __started__ on the officers Kirk manages to snag for himself! Good God! Leave some for the rest of us!'_

Put simply, the Enterprise skimmed off the cream of the crop; they got first choice and first refusal; they accepted _only_ the best of the best. Experienced officers, who could be department heads on other ships were taking on posts of lesser rank than what they were capable of to have the chance to put _'I served on the USS Enterprise from the following dates…'_ on their résumés - because a few years on the flagship certainly made people within the Fleet take notice of you, and demonstrated just how good you really were.

Kirk, on the first day of the new crew member's assignments, was headed to the quartermaster, requiring yet another gold shirt after ripping his latest one on an away mission. There he ran into one of the such crew member, Ensign David Morrows; a fresh-faced young lad who was obviously making a dire attempt at growing a beard to make him look older than his twenty years, the light smattering of facial hair only made him look younger. Scotty had kept his eye on the Academy's Engineering Cadets, and had singled Morrows out after his _first semester _three years ago - and kept reminding Kirk (and every other chief engineer in the fleet) that _he_ had 'bagsies' and 'first dibs' on him.

"Good afternoon, Ensign Morrows." Kirk said, stepping into the quartermaster's office. The young man turned and immediately saluted, as did two other women stood further in the room.

"Captain, sir!" he said, beaming at the captain actually _knowing_ who he was, he'd not actually come across Kirk in person. Most people took one look at his sleeves, deduced his rank, and simply called him 'Ensign'.

"At ease… Don't take this the wrong way, Morrows, but shouldn't you be in _engineering_?" Kirk prompted.

"Captain, Sir, Commander Scott sent me to the Quartermaster, sir." he still held the salute, despite Kirk telling him to relax.

"What for? Oh, and for goodness sake, stand at ease." Kirk prompted.

"Sir, he ordered me to go get a new bubble for his spirit level, and to be very careful that I didn't burst it carrying it back to engineering. The quartermaster gave me a funny look and told me to wait, Sir."

Kirk shook his head and looked around the room, spotting two other newly-qualified cadets that Scotty had simply _had_ to have. "Ensigns Giroux and Nishimura, I presume?" Kirk asked, watching as the two young ladies re-snapped to attention and also beamed at hearing the Captain address them by their names - not just as 'ensign'. Scotty had shoved their files under his nose at least once a week for the past six months, Kirk probably knew more about their Star Fleet careers than _they_ did.

"Aye sir!" they grinned.

"What are you two here for? At ease."

"I'm 'ere for an essential piece of equipment for Commander Scott, Captain, on 'is orders - a _long stand_." replied Giroux, her accent was obviously French.

"I am here for a _long weight_, to go with the long stand, Captain." replied Nishimura, her stunning oriental almond eyes a focal point in her heart-shaped face.

"Sir? Permission to speak freely?" Giroux whispered.

"Go ahead." Kirk replied, speaking quietly and moving closer.

"We've been 'ere for over _four 'ours_, Sir, I zink zhe quartermaster 'as forgozzen about us." she said, biting her lip as if she'd committed a crime by saying what she was thinking.

"Oh, for God's sake, Scotty! Four hours?!" Kirk grumbled, reaching to the comm unit on the wall. "Kirk to engineering."

"_Scott, here! What can I do ye for, Laddie?" _came the brogue through the speakers.

"_Commander Scott_!" Kirk said firmly, the use of the chief engineer's rank and name in _that_ Captainly-tone-of-voice not going un-noticed at the other end of the comm. Scotty was in trouble, and he new it, he just didn't know what he'd done _this_ time.

"_Whatever it was, it wasn't me, Cap'n."_ Was the same response he always gave.

"_Commander_. I _didn't_ spend my spare time filling in paperwork to get these three ensigns for you, only to have you send them on a fool's errand!" Kirk snapped.

"_They're __still__ there?" Scotty said, sounding genuinely shocked. "Oh bugger, I thought they'd have sussed it oot by now! They're supposed to have a lot of IQ points!"_

"They were following your _orders_. They're _still _here, _following orders_. One's waiting for a bubble for your spirit level. One's requested a long stand, and the other's after a long wait, wait spelled W.A.I.T., not W.E.I.G.H.T!" Kirk yelled. The three ensigns finally realised they'd been had and looked sheepishly between themselves. It would have been funny, had it not been so embarrassing.

"_Oh dear. Well, send 'em back to me, Cap'n, I'll find 'em something to do… if its any consolation, I was had by the __ledged__ that was Commander 'Trip' Tucker. He sent me off for a bucket of blue steam, and off I popped, looking a right twit."_ Scotty said brightly, as if he hadn't just wasted four hours of these young people's time; time that would have been much better spent _learning their roles _on the ship.

Kirk was about to reply before a harassed young man wearing the medical tunic came sprinting into the quartermaster's office.

"Quartermaster, sir! Dr. McCoy has sent me down here!" The young man said, out of breath, "He said he needs the Vulcan-shaped kidney dishes, STAT."

"Oh, for God's sake!" Kirk groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. The young medic turned and saluted, nearly tripping over his own feet in the process.

"Captain!" he said, regaining his balance.

"Dr. Jason Fellows, I presume? The youngest medical graduate Star Fleet Academy has seen in decades, top marks, and half-way through an impressive PhD thesis looking into something to do with how the different Federation species react to anaesthetic?" Kirk said, waving for the harassed young man to stand at ease.

"Sir! That's _me_! Sir!" Fellows said, his face lighting up like a Christmas tree as Kirk rattled off what he could actually understand of the twenty-three-year-old's résumé. Bones had been excited, _ridiculously excited _at the prospect, and seeing as Dr. M'Benga had taken the CMO post on another ship, they had room for another doctor.

"Hang on a minute…" Fellows muttered, looking briefly baffled before he continued, "Vulcan kidneys are the _same shape _as human kidneys - and it doesn't matter with a kidney _dish_, its just for putting stuff in!" the young doctor said groaning and visibly sagging, he looked back at the Captain. "I've been had, Sir?"

"Join the club." Muttered Nishimura, quietly.

"Kirk to sickbay!" Kirk yelled into the comm.

"_What've you gone and done now, Jim?" _McCoy replied.

"I've done nothing! But because of you, I've got Dr. Fellows here at the quartermaster's office, Bones! Do you _want_ to keep him on this ship?"

"_Aww, Jim, we __all__ get sent on a silly mission by the head of the department on the first day… well, except Spock, because its not logical to do it, boring green-blooded hobgoblin…" _

"_Bones!"_ Jim cried, "I'm _sure_ I can find someone else who'd take him!" Kirk shouted.

"_Me__, I was packed off to get a box of spare fallopian tubes; of course, I __knew__ what the game was about, so I used the time to have a coffee break and a bite to eat…"_ The CMO continued on, _"Oh, and don't make the poor kid sound like a pet gerbil to be re-homed, Jim, I actually __like__ this kid."_ was the amused reply from the CMO over the comm., interspersed with what sounded like gulps of coffee.

The Captain had no response. He ended the call, waved the four new recruits back to their posts and left the quartermaster's office - without the new shirt he'd actually gone to collect, cursing CMOs and Chief Engineers under his breath.


End file.
